So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
