I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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