just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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