I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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