i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
