I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
