I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
