You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
