There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
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