pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I'm jealous of your bromance
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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