I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Actions speak louder than pants.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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