Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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