sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
