She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
