Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
