I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
