His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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