my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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