She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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