I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
