I can text with my tongue
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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