Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
This house was built for laser tag.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
