So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
