Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
