He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
