Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
