I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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