My room smells like vodka and shame
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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