Pappa wants mamma naked
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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