We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
tell me about the eggs
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
