OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
