considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
