and you said cock pushups were impossible
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
