I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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