The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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