my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
