I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Everyone says I win the strip club
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
