i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
