i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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