just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
