Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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