Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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