i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
