this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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