Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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