Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
