im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
