So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
