I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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