your thong is hanging out like whoa
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
