I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
