Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
