all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
