New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
