He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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