i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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