90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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