I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
