I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
