i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I deserve this hangover.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
