Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
