at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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