I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
