I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
