Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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