A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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