i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
