Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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