Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
